I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're like a gay fantastic four
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize