It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
