I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
