She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
