420 ftw
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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