bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
