just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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