You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am midnight drunk by noon
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
