my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
