My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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