Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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