Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
being pregnant is like rehab
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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