I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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