he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
PANTIES FOUND
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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