You made me cry and you don't even care
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
