dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
