I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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