Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
