I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
