dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
