Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize