You work out of a Hotel?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
