The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
