this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
