R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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