If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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