If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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