didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
