well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
