In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
