Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
