I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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