K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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