My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
