I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I want to make a zoo with you.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
