Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
