what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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