I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wish i was in the wii world.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
