no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
