If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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