She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
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he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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