While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize