You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
