not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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