She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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