meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
