i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
