i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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