Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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