I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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