I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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