I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
