You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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