Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
