i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
