I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
