I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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