Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
