Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
