Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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