"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
zippers are such a cool invention
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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