So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
