Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
