Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
