Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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