i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
