i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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