Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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