it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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