my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
