I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
