my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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