No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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