so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
