Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
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Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
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She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
The ass gains better be worth it
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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