He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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