So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
