your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
