Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
