I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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