Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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