I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you told grandpa to call you daddy
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
