Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
