So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
