my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
