I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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